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Hello. Well, I'
m back after almost 2 weeks of not blogging. Truthfully, I have nothing to say at all. Words have dissipated from my mind. There’s no word that could describe what I’m feeling right now.
Emotion
–noun
1. A mental state that arises spontaneously rather than through conscious effort and is often accompanied by physiological changes; a feeling.
2. A state of mental agitation or disturbance.
3. The part of the consciousness that involves feeling; sensibility.
4. The emotions of joy, sorrow, reverence, hate, and love.
"He spoke unsteadily in a voice that betrayed his emotion."
"The very essence of literature is the war between emotion and intellect." (Isaac Bashevis)
Somebody help me. I really need help. There’s something wrong with me. I’m not myself anymore. I can’t go back. It’s eating me alive. Irrational thoughts are overwhelming inside. I’m anxious, I’m afraid. Scratch those thoughts. Forget what I said. I’m absolutely fine. Really. Just leave me alone. Don’t take a step closer or else I’ll let go. I don’t need anyone. I don’t need anything. I just want...I don’t know what I want. I just need one reason. One. There’s blood trickling down my arm and yet I don't feel a thing. I want to be good enough. I want please you. But I’m cursed with imperfections and flaws that you keep reminding me of. I can’t hold on much longer. The strings are snapping. I’m going to let go. The only way out of this will be suicide because I can’t try any harder. I’ve been doing my best. I want to forget the bitter and horrible past but the memories are embedded deep within and have been haunting me throughout the years. But, I’m fine. Believe me. I’m okay. It’s easier to play pretend because I can temporarily be normal again.
You can't kill what you can't feel. It wouldn't sting, It won't break. I'm just a face..that needs no name.
let’s start with i’m a very complex individual. keep in mind that i’m not like the rest of the population on earth. introverted, influential, cynical and pessimistic. that’s me in four words. rebellion always gets me titled as trouble. i have many flaws because i don't try to be perfect so stop pointing them out. perfection does not justify absolute greatness. i’ve just discovered that i’m a perfectionist. to answer your doubts, i’m a mixed blood and agnostic. i'm not religious or anything, but if you don't like my ideas, well that sucks for you. playing the guitar, singing, writing songs, poems, stories and sketching. those are what i do in my spare time. i’m always deep in thoughts. i'm naturally quiet so i guess you're lucky if i open up to you. my music screams really loud at times but other times, they reflect how i’m feeling. i'm may seem mean and sarcastic but i’m actually nice. i'm blunt and i speak my what’s on mind. i also have trust issues. so in conclusion, i'm not perfect. but who are you to judge me? though i also can’t blame you if you judge me based on what i write here. my persona on the surface is bitter cold and my frankness would just pitifully pierce you but i don’t give a damn if i drive you off because i'm not here to please you. i'm just taking up web space. you can't break me so don’t bother trying. i’m actually an emotional person but that trait can override my cool, calm and collected exterior. also, i may seem unapproachable but that's because i don't do first introductions unless you take the initiative to speak to me. and lastly, for me, first impressions count because my first impressions are bad.